The Days I Tried to Pass

December 14, 2007 - The last weekend shared with my dad.
February 11, 2008 - Heaven's home found
February 15, 2008 - Remembrance

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The Movement of Grief

Death is like that rocking motion – the swaying hold in that caring embrace, the one that moans in its loss, the one that says where is the path from here, the swaying motion of the heart uttering its give and take, capture and release, will and surrender.

Grief is a tide that rolls in & if you don’t walk to the shore, you can find yourself standing in the water – dress still on, standing there realizing the dawned quake of its existence - & that you have to walk with grief & stop your busyness, because if you don’t you’ll find yourself slogging back to shore – wet dress limping, sand in dress shoes – wondering why you ever thought you could just keep filling your day with piling tasks & unmeasured notes. When the grief rolls in, walk to the shore. Acknowledge itself and wrap up in the sun baked towel for a day or two.

If you push it aside, if I push it aside – I’ll find myself distracted – not knowing of seasoned time & its quaint essential rhyme.

& Then– with sand in shoes, I’ll slog to shore – wet clung dress, tide trudging too, knees fashioned forward, salt in eyes, one step forward to forward til I reach the shore – gaze gory grief and call Glory Here Too! – and in those messed up, silenced places too – and Jesus sings sweet. Right there you find humanity wrapped in grace - at least where your soul’s lover lays – sitting in the Sun soaked, warm welcomed towel, covering comfort…

& you pray, and you pray, and you ask for claimed mercy and you rest in redemption’s promise – Hope – it’s here too.

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Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. -- Helen Keller

Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state. -- George Eliot

It is through much tribulation that we enter the kingdom of Heaven. --The Apostle Paul

No man knows till he has suffered from the night how sweet and dear to his heart and eye the morning can be. --Bram Stoker

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? --Kahlil Gibran

The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it's going to be a lot better and a lot bigger. --Elisabeth Elliot